My doctor

As I write this post, I am still a bit traumatized. Like I told some friends earlier, in the grand scheme of things, this bump in the road is not a big deal. But to this been-through-a-lot-already-this-year pregnant gal, it's a big deal. I've already spent a fair amount of crying about it.

For those of you who have not formed a close relationship with your doctor, this is probably going to make you roll your eyes. But when you've been through everything I have, and this one particular doctor has been there to help you through it all, you get attached. I mean, not every doctor calls to check on you while they're on vacation. Mine has.

When I went to my check-up this morning (FOURTEEN WEEKS TOMORROW!! YAY!!), I found my doctor's office locked up with the lights off and a sign explaining where to go if you're looking for a particular doctor. My doctor has been a part of a larger practice, and they have split up. Like 3 days ago. She has joined another group, which happens to be across the street (accessible by an airbridge...thank you for not making me walk outside! :).

Ryan and I made our way over there, where I had to fill out new patient paperwork and then wait for an eternity to see my doctor. So we spent a fair amount of time in the waiting room. Which I did not like. It was all trendy, moderny looking, with TVs on the walls, and people. Lots of people. So it was fairly noisy. Not a fan. At the other office, when you walked in, you could hear a pin drop. Well, not really, because it was carpeted, but you get the point. It was a calm environment. Ryan said today he felt like he was sitting in a store at the mall. Not the feeling I'm going for at the doctor's office.

Once we finally got in to see her (and she brought her nurse with her- I like her, too), she apologized for the craziness, and then broke the bad news. The hospital that I delivered Cade at, the hospital that I am planning to deliver this new little baby at - she can't deliver there anymore. This new group she's in only delivers at another local hospital. One that I wouldn't necessarily mind delivering at (other than it's different than what I've done before, and different is NEVER good, right?), except that it would cost several thousand dollars more. Um, no, thank you. I started crying, then she teared up and told me to quit crying before she lost it, and then we listened to my baby's heartbeat. And it was there. And it was strong.

Which is really what this is about. She knows that, and I know that, but so far on this journey, we've been able to share all of the ups and downs. She made me promise to send her a picture of the baby. She made the comment that it would take a miracle for her to be able to deliver my baby at the hospital I want to, and we've already had one miracle, so chances probably aren't good for another one. And we agreed that the miracle we've already seen is definitely the more important one :)

So life will go on. I'll figure out a new doctor to go to (I've got one in mind), and I'll have this baby, and the world will keep turning around. But today, I'm sad.

Roller coaster

It's fair to say that this entire year has been a roller coaster. There have been some extreme highs, followed by some devastating lows. However, by the grace of God, we're on a high right now, and desperately praying to stay that way for a while.

I am 8 weeks pregnant. Today.

I have had 3 ultrasounds so far, with a fourth scheduled in 2 weeks. Let me start at the beginning...

Four weeks ago tomorrow, I took a pregnancy test. It was positive. At the request of my husband, I took another one (one that wasn't from the dollar store...apparently those "don't count"). It was also positive. We immediately called family to let them know, so they could start praying. I called the doctor to schedule an appointment because they wanted to see me at 6 weeks, rather than the normal 8 weeks, because of my previous ectopic pregnancy. I went in at 6 weeks, 2 days for an ultrasound and appointment with my doctor.

The ultrasound tech couldn't find a baby that day (Sept. 23). There was a sac, but she could not find a baby in it. My doctor prepared us for the worst. It could be a blighted ovum. This means that the egg was fertilized, but just never developed into a baby. If this were the case, my body would naturally miscarry at some point in the near future. She sent us off for labwork to test my hormone levels, and told me that if they looked good, we'd repeat on Monday, and if they were increasing the way they should, we'd have another ultrasound that week.

My numbers from the first bloodwork looked great. They were actually on the high side. We prayed. And prayed. And prayed. I have never in my life prayed so earnestly and continuously for something. We repeated bloodwork on Monday. My numbers doubled, making them super-high. So we prayed some more. My doctor, who was on vacation, called to check on my numbers and to order another ultrasound for me the next day.

The next day, they found a baby! The heartrate wasn't as high as I expected, and they couldn't get good measurements, but by golly, there was a baby! The doctor I saw that day wanted me to repeat in a week, so they could verify the due date. So yesterday we went back again. That sweet little (heart-attack-inducing :) baby is still there, and had doubled in size. We got good measurements, and everything looks right on schedule.

When we saw my doctor after the ultrasound, she was amazed. She hadn't heard anything about last week's ultrasound, and was kind of sad to see my chart come up, because she assumed it was not going to be good. She told us several times that there was no medical explanation for how there wasn't a baby, and now there is. She finally said that there really are miracles in this world, and this baby is definitely one. Based on my numbers, there is no reason for there to have not been a baby, and medically, they could have deemed it a "no pregnancy" and advised me to have a D&C.

But I believe in a God who answers prayers and does miracles on a daily basis. I firmly believe that there wasn't a baby, but because of our faith and prayers, God put one in there. Because He can do that. We just have to ask.

Please join us in praying for our little miracle. Thank you!

(Other details, if you're interested: My due date is May 17. I will have a scheduled c-section because of my c-section with Cade, and it will be 6-8 days before my actual due date.)

caked

My lovely friend Erin is hosting a giveaway on her new cake blog, caked. Go check out her blog. Her work is fabulous! But please don't enter the giveaway...I want to win!!! :)

Mom to mom

Mom to mom is a ministry to, well, moms. I know, it's hard to tell that from the name. I attended a Mom to Mom group last year in a nearby town and loved it. It was so great to get to meet and chat with other stay-at-home moms. It was my first year staying home with Cade, and I didn't have many friends who stayed home with their kids. Transitioning from being a working wife to a stay-at-home mom is a pretty big adjustment, and having people who have been there, done that really helps.

So this year, one of my friends got the crazy idea that we should start a Mom to Mom ministry at our own church. In the past year or so, our Sunday School class has gone from one or two SAHMs to more than 5, not to mention the other ones in our church who aren't in our class. And our town just seems to be full of SAHMs.

So we began the process...meeting with people who might be interested, meeting with them again, calling and harassing them, meeting again, begging, whining, and pleading for others to help, and doing paperwork. Oh, the paperwork. And the paperwork. Did I mention the paperwork? Creating documents seemed to be neverending. And then printing them (or asking our lovely ladies at our church to print them for us...bless them for putting up with us and our children for HOURS! :). And then cutting them, or folding them, or mailing them, or sticking labels on them, or realizing after they were done that they weren't right, and deciding that we didn't care.

BUT.

Last Friday morning was our first meeting. We had 18 mamas show up with 24 kiddos. And it was fantastic. We got to meet quite a few new mamas, and catch up with some old mamas (old as in, known them a long time, not old as in, OLD :), and it was just great. We have 4 of the best small group leaders that we could have ever asked for. I'm looking forward to a fantastic year, and I'm so glad that we have all of these moms that are as excited about this ministry as we have been! Makes it all worthwhile.

If you're interested, let me know and I'll get you the information!

Walking

Cade is now a walker! It's been almost 3 weeks since little man decided to start taking multiple steps on his own. But it's only been about a week since he decided to make it his primary method of travel.

He is so funny. He's done this weird sort of sideways crawl/scoot thing for a long time because he always wants to carry something with him, but that's kind of difficult when you crawl. So he improvised. I've been explaining to him for forever now that if he would just walk, he can carry things in both hands (I just don't understand why he wasn't getting it :). And then last week, it was like a light bulb went off in his head...."Oh! So if I walk, I can carry stuff in BOTH of my hands! That's cool!" So he's been mostly walking everywhere instead of just walking until he falls down and then crawling the rest of the way. He's pretty stinkin' cute.

This new walking business has actually helped my life slow down a little bit. Cade is what you might call a rocket crawler. He's seriously the fastest crawler I've ever seen ever. When he walks, however, he has to slow down. A lot. Because he hasn't mastered the running thing yet (thank goodness!!). So I'm kind of enjoying this phase (in spite of EVERYONE telling me "You just wait...you'll never be able to catch him after her starts walking!"....gotta love all the well-meaning words of wisdom :).

Crunchy

This is a new word. Someone used it to describe me when I said that I had bought some cloth diapers. I had heard it before, but didn't ever know what it meant (thank you, Google: "green" or environmentally friendly). While that isn't my number one reason for trying cloth diapers, it certainly isn't a bad one.

Cloth diapers are a little intimidating. OK, a lot intimidating. One of the main reasons why I haven't tried them out on my little darlin'. But I was invited to a cloth diaper party by one of my friends who switched to cloth diapers on her second baby due to allergies, so I thought I'd go and check it out. And really, it didn't sound that hard. Sure, it involves more laundry. And while I hate doing laundry, I don't actually mind the washing part of laundry. It's the folding clothes part of laundry that I so detest. And cloth diapers are heavy on the washing part, and not so much on the folding part (at least the kind I got :).

So I bought two. They've been washed, used once (pooped in both of them...of course), and washed again. And they still look new! What?! For real. Can't even tell that those suckers have been used. Yet. Now I know they'll eventually start looking a little less pristine, but I honestly expected it to happen instantly. And it didn't.

I'll do another post after we've used them a little longer and let you know what I think then!

I highly recommend Andrea with Little Squigglers. You can check her website out here. She did the party I went to, and has been super-helpful getting me started!

Six years

Six years ago today, I married Ryan. In Guatemala. In a ceremony that I would pay dearly to have recorded. I actually wish I had that on tape more than even our real wedding ceremony that took place exactly a year later. In America. The only proof of that first ceremony is in a single picture and the memories of the few that were there. But it was the beginning.

We were on a mission trip to Guatemala. Our fearless leader, who is like a father to me, had been giving me grief for months that I was an old maid (you know, I had been graduated from college over a year and wasn't married yet...oh, the horrors! :). So he decided that he needed to get me married off. To whoever. Thanks, Kev. He originally wanted me to "marry" Ryan's best friend, who was also with us. He, however, had a girlfriend, and really was not my type (love ya, Mike! :). So our last night there, I told Ryan about what was going on and asked him if he would marry me instead. He agreed. (Please keep in mind that this week was really the first time I had talked to him. And he was THREE years younger than me!)

Our pastor, who was also there, refused to be a part of the whole thing. Kev said he would only do it if we agreed to actually kiss. Ryan said, "I'm game if she's game." To which I said, "Whatever." So there was a ceremony that included things such as "I promise to always do whatever he tells me to do" and other lame things that Kev made up as he went. And at the end, Ryan kissed me. You can see in the one picture we have of it that I totally wasn't expecting him to do that. And then we locked ourselves in Ryan's room. And looked at each other. And laughed. All while a crowd of people banged on the door, and I waited for Ryan to kiss me again. Which he didn't. So I gave up and we went back out.

About a week later, Ryan called me to ask me on a date. I said yes. (Duh.)

(By the way, I waited on that next kiss for MONTHS. Two and a half, to be exact. Not that I'm bitter. :)

About three months later, Ryan asked me to marry him. I said yes. (Double duh.)

We got married for real exactly one year after that ceremony in Guatemala.

I love him more every day. We have been through so much together in the five years we've been married. Ryan has gotten three degrees and I've gotten one to add to the one I already had. We bought a house. We bought Ryan a used car. And then a new one. We got a dog. We've gone through one whole pregnancy and had our first baby. We've gone through the loss of another baby. We've made it on one salary for a year. And this is still just the beginning.

I can't imagine going through life with anyone else by my side. I don't want to. It seems that every day there's something else I realize about us that God so perfectly orchestrated.

I love you, baby daddy. Can't wait to see what's next.