The Land of Enchantment

Very soon, Ryan and I are heading to the alleged "Land of Enchantment." I'm a little skeptical, to say the least. Ryan has a job offer that would involve us moving to a new state, a prospect I am none too thrilled about. But they're paying for both of us to come out there and check things out for a few days, so by golly, we're gonna. I don't generally say no to free things. Especially ones that involve a plane trip. And a nice hotel. And being child-free (with the exception of the one that is currently attached to me).

I'll let you know how enchanting it is. And in the meantime, you can pray that there's another job offer than would NOT involve us moving to another state :)

Another giveaway

My friend Erin is having another giveaway on her Caked blog. Check it out here and you can win a subscription to Real Simple magazine for a year! I'm hoping to win so maybe my house will someday look as cute as hers!!! :)

Also, you should definitely look around on her blog at all the cakes, cookies, and goodies she's made. I can vouch that everything I have ever eaten that she has made is TASTY!

Giveaways

I love entering giveaways. My current addiction is entering giveaways that involve cloth diapers. I have just a few cloth diapers right now, but I'd love to increase my stash so that I can do them more full-time with baby #2.

Thought I'd share this giveaway if anyone is interested...it's enough cloth diapers to get anyone started!! Check it out here on MommyReview.com.

The Grinch, part 2

The other day, I was talking to a friend about my refusal to put up a Christmas tree. (I will say again, and again, show me where in the Bible God tells us we need to celebrate His Son's birth by putting up a Christmas tree...until then, I am not a bad mother, Christian, or PERSON for not putting one up!) She mentioned how she has several nativity scenes that she puts out every year.


It got me to thinking. I want my children to understand the real meaning of Christmas. Ryan and I have already discussed that we don't want to put a huge emphasis on presents with our kids (wish we could get OTHER members of the fam on board with that, but oh, well :). We want our kids to be about giving, not receiving, and not just at Christmas, either. I'm thinking that focusing on the nativity scene would be a great way to help keep Jesus as the center, rather than a tree, or presents, or Santa. We still have another year before anything would really need to start as a tradition, so there's still time for us to think about it and figure out exactly what we want to do with it. But I'm pondering the possibilities...

The Grinch

That's me.

Christmas is not my favorite holiday. When I was a kid, I liked Christmas just fine. Wasn't ever one of those wake-up-at-4-am-because-I-was-so-excited-and-had-to-open-presents-immediately kind of kids, but it was fun. I got to see all of my extended family in one day. And I mean all. Neither of my parents were from large families, and everyone lived in the same town, so we always got together. Christmas lunch with one side, Christmas dinner with the other. And I never knew any different.

Then my parents got divorced. And everything changed. Kind of sucks having to be the grown-up and make decisions on who you were going to see when. That's about the time that I started disliking Christmas. So it's not really Christmas, actually, that I dislike. It's more the forced spending of time and buying of gifts for people who you no longer really know. But it just made me rebel against the holiday in general. Add to the that the fact that I do NOT like to be told what to do, nor do I appreciate things being expected of me just because of the day of the year, and Christmas really is the perfect storm for my rebellion :)

And then I got married. Awesomeness. (note: the sarcasm is not actually directed at the fact that I am married right now...I love my husband dearly, especially since he tends to mostly agree with me on all things Christmas) Add to the perfect storm another side of the family who doesn't live here. Not only that, but they LOVE Christmas. I mean, L O V E Christmas. Well, except for my father-in-law...bless him :) Now don't get me wrong, I love them dearly. But remember those things that I don't appreciate being expected of me just because of the day of the year? You would have thought I had told them I was a serial killer the first year they realized that putting up a Christmas tree was not on my to-do list. Ever. They (and allegedly, the heavens) rejoiced the year that some friends came over and put up a Christmas tree for us :)

And presents. Don't even get me started on presents. Here's the thing. I really actually thoroughly enjoy buying and/or making presents for people I love. It's even more enjoyable when I actually have fantastic ideas on things to get them that they will really like. But don't make me buy things for my second cousins who I see twice a year. Or my grandparents who I see once a year. It just makes me angry to have to buy things because it's expected when I know that it's going to sit on a shelf somewhere, unopened and unused. It's a waste of my time and money, and their space. Chances are good that if I don't have any idea what to get you, you don't have any idea what to get me, so it seems logical that there should be no presents exchanged by said parties. Then no time, money, or space is wasted. That hasn't gone over well yet. Maybe someday... :)

Until then, I'll be busy trying to think of how to teach my sweet Cade and the little gummy bear about what Christmas really means.

Thankfulness

I have so many things to be thankful for right now. It's been a rough year...there is no way on earth I could have predicted any of the crazy things that I've been through this year...and yet, there have been so many blessings in the process. Blessings that would not have been nearly as meaningful without the pain that came before.

The biggest one is the precious little gummy bear growing in my tummy right now. I didn't realize how much I had taken for granted having a healthy, normal pregnancy with Cade. Yes, it's very obvious when there's something growing inside you that it is a miracle, but not until you've been through losing a baby do you understand just how fragile and miraculous the whole process is. I'll be 17 weeks tomorrow, and cannot count the times that it seemed that we wouldn't make it that far. But by the grace of God, here we are!

A little over a week ago, I lost my grandma. It's been kind of strange for me. I haven't really been emotional about it. She's been in a nursing home, completely bedridden, on a feeding tube, for months. She suffered from Alzheimer's, in addition to other things going on, and I really, truly feel that this was for the best. I've thought that for a while now...her quality of life was nonexistent, and I feel confident she's up in heaven now, and that's a way better place than she ever had here. I didn't cry at the funeral. In fact, the only time I've really cried about it was when my mom called to tell me and I wasn't able to go be with her right then because we were out of town. (This is actually somewhat unusual...I seem to cry at the drop of a hat now that I'm a mom...good grief!) But I think it was a lot easier for me to deal with because it was time and I know where she is.

As we head into the Christmas season (which is not my favorite time of year, anyway), I hope that I can continue to find the blessings in everything. It sure makes for a better attitude :)

My doctor

As I write this post, I am still a bit traumatized. Like I told some friends earlier, in the grand scheme of things, this bump in the road is not a big deal. But to this been-through-a-lot-already-this-year pregnant gal, it's a big deal. I've already spent a fair amount of crying about it.

For those of you who have not formed a close relationship with your doctor, this is probably going to make you roll your eyes. But when you've been through everything I have, and this one particular doctor has been there to help you through it all, you get attached. I mean, not every doctor calls to check on you while they're on vacation. Mine has.

When I went to my check-up this morning (FOURTEEN WEEKS TOMORROW!! YAY!!), I found my doctor's office locked up with the lights off and a sign explaining where to go if you're looking for a particular doctor. My doctor has been a part of a larger practice, and they have split up. Like 3 days ago. She has joined another group, which happens to be across the street (accessible by an airbridge...thank you for not making me walk outside! :).

Ryan and I made our way over there, where I had to fill out new patient paperwork and then wait for an eternity to see my doctor. So we spent a fair amount of time in the waiting room. Which I did not like. It was all trendy, moderny looking, with TVs on the walls, and people. Lots of people. So it was fairly noisy. Not a fan. At the other office, when you walked in, you could hear a pin drop. Well, not really, because it was carpeted, but you get the point. It was a calm environment. Ryan said today he felt like he was sitting in a store at the mall. Not the feeling I'm going for at the doctor's office.

Once we finally got in to see her (and she brought her nurse with her- I like her, too), she apologized for the craziness, and then broke the bad news. The hospital that I delivered Cade at, the hospital that I am planning to deliver this new little baby at - she can't deliver there anymore. This new group she's in only delivers at another local hospital. One that I wouldn't necessarily mind delivering at (other than it's different than what I've done before, and different is NEVER good, right?), except that it would cost several thousand dollars more. Um, no, thank you. I started crying, then she teared up and told me to quit crying before she lost it, and then we listened to my baby's heartbeat. And it was there. And it was strong.

Which is really what this is about. She knows that, and I know that, but so far on this journey, we've been able to share all of the ups and downs. She made me promise to send her a picture of the baby. She made the comment that it would take a miracle for her to be able to deliver my baby at the hospital I want to, and we've already had one miracle, so chances probably aren't good for another one. And we agreed that the miracle we've already seen is definitely the more important one :)

So life will go on. I'll figure out a new doctor to go to (I've got one in mind), and I'll have this baby, and the world will keep turning around. But today, I'm sad.